🧰 Flight sim review, lightly polished and cleared through the Department of Opinions
Self Loading Cargo: A Hilarious Take on Passenger Management
2026-04-29
Self Loading Cargo turns flight simulation into a comical exercise in passenger management, complete with bladder monitoring and cabin chaos.
Self Loading Cargo: Tiny Dots, Big Judgment, and the Lavatory Surveillance State
Self Loading Cargo, as the name implies, is a passenger simulator for flight simulation. Although I do have one question right out of the gate: why isn’t it called Self Loading Humans? Anyway, I digress.
SLC, as it is commonly called, is primarily a passenger simulation add-on, with some cargo-related functionality sprinkled in for those of us who occasionally like flying something that does not complain, request coffee, or need to visit the lavatory every seventeen minutes.
The Waiting Game
Let's start with the passenger side of things, because monitoring cargo sounds about as exciting as watching Thanksgiving leftovers metabolize into a nap. Self Loading Cargo walks you through the trials, tribulations, and deep spiritual burden of waiting:
- Waiting for passengers to board.
- Waiting for passengers to sit down.
- Waiting for the cabin crew to do their announcements.
- Waiting for people to stop wandering around like confused livestock in business casual.
- And eventually, mercifully, waiting for them to get the hell off your airplane.
All the while, your flight attendants are interacting with the passengers, trying to talk to you, offering coffee, doing safety briefings, and generally making your cockpit feel less like a flight deck and more like the break room at a very nervous Denny’s.
Bladder Monitoring: A Unique Feature
One of the more interesting features is the cabin map. You can open a window and see the layout of your aircraft, with little colored dots representing your passengers as they move around the cabin. You can see whether they are watching a movie, reading a book, sleeping, eating, or making yet another trip to the bathroom. Yes, that is correct. Self Loading Cargo lets you monitor the bladder habits of your passengers. This is either immersive simulation or the beginning of a congressional hearing.
You can also turn on the seatbelt sign, which forces passengers to stay seated even if they need the lavatory. So yes, with the correct amount of neglect and poor leadership, you can turn your aircraft into a pressurized torture chamber at 30,000 feet. And let’s not pretend we are above that. How many of you played The Sims and trapped people in a room with no doors? Or built a tiny room with a fireplace and no escape? You know who you are. SLC just gives you wings and a cabin pressure system.
Ambiance and Sound Design
One of the real perks of SLC is the sound environment. Instead of your Spotify playlist, YouTube, or talking to your spouse, you get ambient cabin audio. Passenger murmurs. The rustle of people moving around. Cabin crew announcements. The lavatory door opening and closing. Yes, you now get the soundscape of a crowded metal tube full of strangers and questionable dietary choices.
I need to add, why does someone keep saying "Bang Bang"? She seems nice.
Consequences and Enjoyment
At the end of the flight, Self Loading Cargo gives you a grade and can post the results online for the world to see. This can either be a proud little achievement or the kind of thing that resurfaces years later when you run for political office. “Senator, is it true that on March 14th, you ignored the seatbelt sign, landed hard, and denied lavatory access to 143 passengers over Cleveland?”
It gives your flights structure. It gives you consequences. It provides cabin noise, crew interaction, passenger behavior, and a reason to care whether the people in the back are happy, terrified, nauseous, or plotting a class-action lawsuit.
And for me, it accomplished something truly impressive: It motivated me to spend more time flying a FedEx livery. Because boxes do not need coffee. And boxes, to the best of my knowledge, do not use the lavatory.
Who Should Try It?
Recommended for: passenger haulers, immersion junkies, airline roleplayers, and anyone who wants their simulator passengers to silently judge their every move.